opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get
inside you and mess you up."
Who knew? Who knew today I would be sitting here fuming. I just don't get it. You find that one person who you adore, the only one you've ever been able to compliment or even given into and what happens? You stop hearing from him...makes a ton of sense. Then you wonder to yourself, is it me? That in return makes you feel...awful.
Let me let you in on my story.
When it comes to love, oh when it comes to love...I just don't know what to do. My head is going to over a million places within an hour. If the guy only knew how much it took me to even pay him a compliment, I swear, he'd be impressed. Yet, I'm an introvert. I can't just like someone. It doesn't work like that for me. If a person likes me before I like him...it freaks me out, 99.9% of the time. I have to have this mutal likeness with the person. I always knew I would just know, "Thats him, he is the one I want." This has happened to me a total of 2 times. Once quite recent but what can I do about it? I can do absolutlely nothing. It is sad. Honestly, it took me 5 minutes to realize I like him, that has NEVER happened to me.
I've always been a romantic, but I'm so picky when it comes to the opposite sex. Not saying I knew what I wanted, I just wanted him. I wanted this to work. I prayed, "Lord I just don't get it, am I suppose to not end up with the person I want?" I'm also very impatient. I have no idea what is going on in the other person's head but I'm just dying to know. Once you think you have love figured out, take a few steps back...far back. I don't mind being single, I promise, until I talked to him, I was perfectly fine. I like being a hermit. I love music, writing, poetry, and I hate goodbyes. I may never understand love but then, where would be the fun? I guess a girl should always be crossed in love? I guess the worst part about goodbyes is when you don't get one. I'm not writing this for someone to have pity on me, just to all those who can relate.
I hate when you want to love someone and you don't understand why he goes for all these other girls...who don't even really want him. Yet, here you are, not loving anyone and BAM! He sweeps you off your feet within moments. I refuse to understand. I also hate, when people put things in your head,
"He probably thinks it won't work."
"He wouldn't be talking to you if he didn't like you!"
I'm like, seriously, I have all these other thoughts to deal with...I don't want those in my head! I want that person who comes after you, who will love you for who you are. Even as I write this, somwhere in my soul I believe in true love, even love at first sight. I've been through my fair share, for sure, but that person is out there. If I have to wait my whole life for him...so be it. Of course, now would be great. :D Either way, I refuse to be persuaded, to give up on love, and to settle for someone who I will truly never be in love with. I don't want to just love someone, I want to "be" in love with them. I never said I didn't want the heartache, or that I wanted it easy...I just want that "love".
I don't know what will become of my feelings for the person I might like now, but hopefully the feelings will turn into memories and those will turn into something lasting...something real.
“Have you ever been in love? Horrible
isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your
heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up
all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt
you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders
into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it.
They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your
life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats
you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we
should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your
heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a
soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”
- Neil Giaman
The ending quote is accurate. I mean I think ( yes I'm sure you've heard this ) most of this is coming because of what happened.. I am also sure that the quote, which Neil Giaman wrote. . probably was after someone broke his heart. Now. . sure this makes sense and I know some people who'd be like "NO WAY THAT'S NOT WHY IT'S ALWAYS STUPID." or something, but in all honesty I believe your course of action is wise & natural.
ReplyDeleteI don't wanna say you're like everyone else in this situation I mean everyone is different. I just think with tiiiime you'll feel better and you still have friends that do love you for who you are so if you ever need a friend they're always there ^_^ . . and more then that God is always there and if you want an everlasting love then He is the answer. . not some flirty guy that sweeps you off your feet.
Some say being hard to get isn't a good trait in a girl, but guys respect women who don't fall head over heels over every single guy they meet. Haha, not that you do, but you get my meaning. xP
In the end. God & Friends > Boyfriend
Of course. . . me personally I believe Boyfriend ( girlfriend for me ) is better than just any 'ol friend. . As you said someone that understands you and loves you for who you are. . God does that, and it's just an amazing feeling that someone on earth does the same. You'll find a wonderful guy eventually! No doubt about that! ^_^
I totally agree with you.Thanks! I sure hope so, I'm waiting on God. :)
ReplyDeleteOoooh psssshhh no need to hope for something like that just wait xP
ReplyDeleteAnd one thing that I've learned is that whether or not a love lasts forever or not you gotta appreciate love in whatever shape or form it comes in.
I mean you can be with someone for a year or 2, and I think the best thing to do is just appreciate it. I mean afterwards I know it's hard to without being sad or anything, but eventually you are able to look back and just say. . . I loved. I lost. . but hey that's better than not loving at all :P